I’m about to get all honest here, which isn’t something I like to do an awful lot when it comes to blogging or social media.
I haven’t been very active either on here, on social media or at the gym (I know shock horror), for the past couple of months. And no, it’s not that I’m being really lazy or that I’ve found better things to do with my time – I wish! In all honesty, life has started to become a struggle, and sometimes I just need to take a break before everything gets a little too much.
Stress is something I’ve had huge problems dealing with for as long as I remember. It can be incredibly frustrating to live with as even the most mundane of tasks become huge ordeals. For example getting dressed in the morning is often enough to send me into a frenzy. This week alone I gave myself a panic attack trying to button a shirt because my friend was nearly at my house, I’ve burnt my leg on the iron because I was stressing about the evening ahead, I’ve cried because my jumper sleeve was inside out and I screamed and cried at my boyfriend because I couldn’t find a sock.
Eating is also something that becomes really hard to deal with. For example I often find my stress levels strongly effect my eating habits, resulting in days of undereating followed by days of overeating. Days where I’d try and get through a working day on a ferrero rocher and prosecco and try and convince myself that I’d be able to function absolutely fine. Some days I have the motivation to wake up in the morning and cook an amazing breakfast and some mornings the thought of walking to the fridge gives me such bad anxiety I have to go back to bed. The worst part though is stressing about the thought of food itself – that fear of working out what to eat, and when and who with and then getting so hot and stressed you think you might faint. And this is coming from someone who loves food!
Often if you find stress hard to deal with then it starts to take it’s toll on your body as well as your mind. I’ve been ill for almost two months now – flu like symptoms, migraines, memory loss (?) and regular nose bleeds, as well as the usual side effects that come with stress such as sleep deprivation, irregular eating patterns, acne, hair loss, lack of motivation and low self esteem.
I used really hate talking about this kind of thing on the internet, one of the reasons being that I felt I was letting myself down whenever I couldn’t mentally cope with everything. I felt like I was deceiving people whenever I gave health advice or whenever I encouraged people to be more active, because there were days (and often weeks) when just getting out of bed was a challenge. The more I beat myself up about it though, the more ridiculous I realise I’m – I mean seriously Hannah, who cares – no one’s perfect. I mean, if anything, as least I’ll have something else to write about in a few months time 😂
For now though I’ll still be here, but not as regularly. My weekly blog posts have been pushed back to monthly, at least for the next few months. Frustrating because I have so much I want to talk to you guys about, but alas, health comes first! See in four weeks, I’m off to bed…